Plants are such calming, soothing souls. And they are vastly superior to us (or rather, you) in so many ways. That's why it's hardly surprising that meditating deeply in the presence of plants can produce a spiritually healing effect throughout the area in which it is performed.

However, to get the full effect, the meditation must be performed by someone who is intellectually on the plants' level. I certainly qualify in this regard.

In fact, I am so attuned to vegetable vibrations that I can actually become the plant that I am with! I call this process Transcendental Vegetation.

And being such a life affirming, tree loving soul, I am more than happy to do this for those below me on the spiritual plane (which is everyone).

As a bonus I will even bring my own luscious frond - one I know intimately and have spent many long, loving hours with. (I call him Little Derek since we really are as one.)

So, for a very reasonable fee I will enter your home or office and vegetate for a period of at least 6 hours. This will cleanse the space spiritually for many months. For only $3000 you'd be crazy not to do it! (And you never know, I might even let you touch my frond ...)