Many people have an irrational fear of mucous. They think it's disgusting, revolting.
But mucous is beautiful! Gaia loves it, because it is green. And it conveys a person's spiritual essence. If you are an advanced soul like me your mucous is a powerful force for good.
I have made it a (peaceful) crusade to reconstruct attitudes to this much maligned body fluid. Which is why I describe myself as a proud phlegminist.
You could say I have a real fire in my nose. And I use this fire in a highly political and artistic way to paint confronting and spectacular artworks.
I wait until my feisty feline fellow traveller Jocelyn starts to moult, then snuggle up to her. The ensuing sneezing fit can keep me going for hours, and often results in the creation of half a dozen emerald masterpieces.
I even had a retrospective of my work. It was called: Snot Easy Being Green. So Don't Blame it on the Boogie!
You too can possess a tailor-made mini-art work. Give me a hanky, and I can return it with my green essence attached. For a modest outlay ($2000) you can possess a powerful (and empowering) phlegminist statement that you will be proud to carry in your pocket for years on end.