Well, well, well. Isn't the blogosphere interesting?

As an indirect consequence of this blog's mention in Rupert's mean little rag, rumours have started to circulate that I am a satirical construction created by the loathsome conservative blowhard Matt Hayden. Sadly, these claims have come from the left. I can't deny it, that hurts.

I am not a satire. I am as real as anyone walking the planet (and certainly more authentic than most!).

Those pushing the claim cite the inclusion of the words "comedy" and "satire" in the website description visible in search engine results. The reason those meta-tags are there is that Hayden has been hacking into my various blog and website accounts for years now and altering things to misrepresent me. It's like being verballed - only far, far worse.

It's his pathetic little attempt at humour, you see. He knows that I am real, and he takes delight in trying to diminish me in the eyes of others. He's just insanely jealous of my deep compassion, love of nature, joyous spontaneity, and searing spiritual and intellectual insights (not to mention my much higher income). He can't bear the thought that I exist, so he has to portray me as a joke.

He really should get some therapy to rid himself of this hateful, destructive obsession. Being a qualified counselor, I've even offered him some - and gratis! Sadly, these sincere offers of help and healing only seem to rile him even more (I can't imagine why). His toxic campaign against me has lasted a decade or more both online and off. He's sabotaged my sites so often that frankly I've given up trying to stop him. He's just decided that he's going to make people believe that I am a fictional character or die trying.

That's not to say that I can't see how some people could mistake me for a humorous creation, by the way. Unlike those on the right I have a strong sense of my own absurdity. I have a highly developed (and quite zany!) sense of humour and in the past I have often been given to hilarious acts of self-deprecation.

But things are different now. The world is on the verge of complete environmental breakdown. We green progressives are in a (loving) war against the forces of capitalist darkness. We must maintain our resolve and banish any mockery of us (even self-mockery).

That's why I urge you all to disregard these doubts about my veracity. If I am to be seen as fictional, an object of fun, my visionary prescriptions for the planet will not be taken seriously! The terrorists will have won.

Ultimately, however, I realize I can't make you believe what you don't want to believe ... Right-wingers are very good at enforcing their take on reality, after all. So in the end I suppose all I can say is this:

I know that I am real. Do you?