Fellow travellers, we often hear from the reactionary right that academia has been overtaken by the left. Nothing could be further from the truth. Universities across the globe are still completely dominated by eeevil white peenie-wavers who are hell bent - or should that be straight? - on oppressing women, minorities and Gaia.

Take this latest so-called "experiment": Psychologists in California have looked into how young children cope with fears both real and imagined. They were read stories which contained "scary creatures" such as bears or witches.

Since when was a bear scary? That those masterminding these experiments were so determined to demonize our furry fellow travellers of the forest is deeply perturbing. Then there was the antiquated and appallingly negative portrayal of witches. I suspect Wiccans could possibly take this to the UN as yet another example of vilification.

That said, the study did reveal some heartening things. (I will not let my justified revulsion at the exercize's inherent sexism and speciesism stop me from gleaning insights, fellow travellers. Like all those on the left I am nothing if not rational.) One example of this was that pre-school children really looked on the bright side, preferring to see that the witch in the story was really nice instead.

Not only is this adorable, it's also very wise. And it's certainly a way of dealing with "threats" and "aggression" that world leaders should try for a change. I mean, imagine what would have happened if George Dubya Bush taken such an approach after the 911 "terrorist attacks". Wouldn't it have been wonderful if that hateful racist had said, "Osama, I can see where you're coming from. Let's sit down in a couple of comfy chairs and have a nice friendly chat over peppermint tea." If he had, we would be living in a much more harmonious and peaceful world today without a doubt!

Clearly, each individual shouldn't just aim to get in touch with her inner child, but her inner toddler as well! I'm proud to say that is something I have long strived to achieve, and with great success.